TRADE OLDIES FOR IMMIGRANTS

AMONG A NUMBER OF PEOPLE QUESTIONED BY BOTH FRENCH AND UK POLICE OVER SUSPECTED IMMIGRANT SMUGGLING ARE A MARINE ENGINES ENGINEER AND A COUPLE DESCRIBING THEMSELVES AS RETIRED ESTATE AGENTS.

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Could this be the answer to both the UK’s population explosion of immigrants – legal and otherwise – and the burgeoning elderly and non-productive native population who are living longer and cluttering up everything from the health service to the fast lanes of our motorways.

A London based charity has put forward a plan to swap pensioners for successful immigrant applicants   sending the former to the countries of origin of the latter.

“We wouldn’t expect them to go to conflict zones such as Yemen or Libya” said Oozlam Ohmegoolie, the charities CEO. “On the other hand, a lot of them continually bang on fondly about the Blitz so they’d probably feel really at home in Tripoli.

“As it is, they’d get a grant for re-settlement and their pensions would still be paid to them in their new country of residence”.

Mr Ohmegoolie, a British subject who claims ancestry back to the 9th century when a forebear came here by boat from France as boot boy to  William the Conqueror,  is  the £5 million a year founder of the charity Coast to Coast.

He has homes in both Calais and Dover although his main residence is in Jersey. He describes himself as a retired travel agent.

The main work of the charity is finding homes and jobs for  immigrants. “They need somewhere to live but, as we all know, there is a deplorable lack of housing in the UK” he said. ” The OAP’s would be paid market value for their homes by the charity and those homes rented to the immigrants”.

He added that the immigrants would be given work such as fundraisers for the charity or with one of its wholly owned commercial subsidiaries like Dinghies4U and Oozlam Manufacturing, a company specialising in outboard marine engines, both registered in the Channel Islands.

“It’s a win win situation. The immigrants get somewhere to live and the old folks get to spend the rest of their days in the sun”.