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EXCLUSIVE -SECRET TAPE.

SENIOR CIVIL SERVANT SIR PHILIP RUTMAN HAS ACCUSED HOME SECRETARY PRITI PATEL OF USING OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE TO HIMSELF AND HER STAFF. THIS IS A TRANSCRIPT OF A TAPE SENT IN ANONYMOUSLY TO THE 7 FOOT PIGEON "Who the fuck asked you to come in?" "Well, I er......................" "Never mind 'well, I er' and why the fuck didn't you knock first?"…

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ROYAL MARINES CAN CONTINUE USING LIPSTICK – the 7footpigeon

The Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has apologised for his racism by "blacking up" as Aladdin in a school production of Arabian Nights when he was a teacher in 2001. Read on. ...................................................................................................................................................................... Priscilla Goody-Twoshoes, the UK Liberal Democrat MP, has called for Britain's armed forces to cease painting their faces for combat describing it as "blatant racism". Units such…

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AN OPEN LETTER TO DONALD AFTER HIS TRUMPIPHANT VISIT

Dear Mr President Well, that all went fairly well. Despite the prayers of our Fourth Estate, you only dropped one clanger and that was when you seemed to suggest that our sacrosanct National Health Service would somehow be a necessary part of any trade deal. As is your wont you withdraw this a few hours later which, frankly, confused the…

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A PONY FOR A PIGEON

It seems that some readers of this blog find the fake news on this page far more interesting than the highly intelligent, erudite,  well researched and well written stuff on the News/Comment page.  Unfortunately, I sometimes run fresh out of ideas for your  favourite column and fail to refresh the page as often as you would like. So why not…

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CONDOMS OFF THE MENU

FACT. There are 208 women MP's in the House of Commons. According to a recent Think Tank report, this could increase by as many as 100 at the next election through positive discrimination of female candidates, and many more pro-Feminist laws could be the result.  CARRYING  a concealed condom could constitute a sexual assault under a new bill to be…

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WILLY OR WONT HE

White House staff think that The Donald is changing sex and they are secretly running a competition to decide what his name will be if he has the final cut and tuck. Top of the list so far is Dorothy. Their concern was heightened recently when he hit an even higher than usual falsetto voice when claiming that the Chinese…

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Hello and goodby

The TODAY programme on BBC radio 4 "And now, at 3 minutes to 8, an update on the weather with Helen Willetts" "Oh, thank you so much, Thank you so, very very much. Thank you. And hello. Hello everyone. And Good Morning. And good morning to you all. Hello. And now, the weather. Oh gosh, I've run out of time".…

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ONE LAW FOR SOME

MINUTES OF TOP LEVEL MEETING OF EDITORIAL STAFF OF SUNDAY TIMES "STYLE MAGAZINE". Lorraine Candy, Editor in Chief:"Alison - how the hell did this get past you?" Alison Thomson. Chief Sub-Editor::"Well, it seemed OK." "It seemed OK. Are you mad? It says 'It used to be tequila and no knickers and sex on the stairs'. Is it any bloody wonder…

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LAST OF THE WAFFELERS

Witsended BBC news programmers are working on a revolutionary new editorial policy to stop in their tracks MP's refusing to answer direct questions. They plan to implement a shock "two strikes and your out" interrogation system, and the flag ship radio 4's TODAY will be the test bed. Journalists will warn a waffling Commons clever dick who responds to such…

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